I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the amount of time I spend in front of my computer screen. Not productive, creative time like now; writing this post. But the countless lost hours spent reading, learning, stumbling, researching, tweeting, facebooking and emailing. If any of this sounds familiar then keep reading. My goal is to liberate you from your computer screen, and re-join the land of the living.
Your laptop is not your significant other:
I read a poignant post over at “Find Your Way Blog”. Lye spoke about his son and the questions which caused him to rethink the way he was working. I also recently read an interview with Dan Christo, who spoke about his work schedule outside of his full time job. I know co-creating something as dynamic as Triberr takes a lot of man hours, but it sounded intense.
Then, I thought about how much time I’ve spent in front my computer since I jumped head first into the blogging and social media world, and bowed my head in shame. I realised my significant other wasn’t getting the best of me and people who didn’t know my birthday, favourite colour, or how I liked my coffee had my full attention. Ooops, how did that happen. Sound familiar?
Your business, blog, or readers are not a substitute for real friends:
Over the last few weeks, I have been forming relationships with people from all parts of the world. The creative process of producing work I’m proud of, and learning from and interacting with talented and positive people, is incredibly exhilarating.
I’ve also occasionally:
- cancelled dates with friends because I’ve had a post I wanted to finish
- allowed myself to be distracted by funny tweets during dinner with my partner
- excused myself to answer email when I’ve had family round
Does something sound a little off balance here ? I see this behaviour in me, do you see it in you?
Your blog/niche site/ebook will not do your laundry:
Projects are important, work is important, bills need to be paid on time and you’re creating an empire, I get it. Now go and take a look in your laundry basket, wipe your finger along your window sill, take a peek inside the junk draw (I know you have one). Then come and tell me what you find.
If everything is A-ok, you can skip this part. If not, pay attention.
It’s so easy to place your business and careers goals at such a high priority, that everyday domestic stuff takes a back seat. I like a bit of clutter; it makes a home feel lived in, but chaos can ensue when you prioritise time spent on-line, over other things. Disconnect and handle your business.
Working “online” is not an excuse for not having other interests:
Do you have 6k readers and a tight publishing schedule ? Are you creating the next Twitter, Squidoo, Mashable? Awesome, great, I applaud you. But proactively making time to participate in other activities that take you far away from your laptop, is a positive thing. I guarantee you will return with new ideas, new connections and renewed energy. If you don’t have other interests, then go out and get some.
I’m not a preacher, but I have a message:
Life is fleeting, time is short,everyone wants to be Mr/Mrs Popularity and at the top of their game. However, if this is achieved at the expense of your family, friends and wellbeing, your ROI may not be quite as epic as you think. If you’ve confused your priorities, then these 10 simple steps will help you get back in sync with life in the real world.
- Set clear boundaries between your work and home life;
- Set a time to disconnect from the noise each day;
- Make time to do something that you love, that does not involve technology;
- Make a standing date with your significant other/s;
- Accept social invites from friends, and send invites of your own;
- Pick up a book, not a blog post, or a kindle, but a paper and ink book;
- Make time for play. Scrabble, a crossword, maybe you like to draw?
- Turn the blackberry off at a set time each evening;
- Don’t let online work, get in the way of a sweaty “work out”;
- Do the boring stuff first. Like housework;
*Bonus* Rinse and repeat
Bad habits can be broken
If you read My Lifestyle Max, I know you’re hungry to manifest great things in your life. The online world is captivating and limitless in it’s possibilities. It can become addictive if you let it. Strive for balance, but prioritise your family, friends and home over all things. After all when your internet connection goes down, that’s what you have left.
Be bold, come and share your experience of getting sucked into the online world, I’m sure I’m not alone in this. Have you forgotten to put” first things first”, has your laptop become your significant other ?
Lots of questions I know, but I’m chatty like that. If you’ve enjoyed this post, come and talk to me in the comments.Why not share this post, and invite your friends to join the conversation.
{ 39 comments… read them below or add one }
Love your post. When I owned my own business for the first time, I was pulled into it so far, that I was disengaged from family life. I got home from work, but never really let work go. While my family was speaking to me, I was still thinking about work. Never really listening.
That’s what it feels like around the house when any of us are in front of a laptop, smartphone, or ipad. If you’ve got a device on your lap, you’re not in the moment. Kurt Vonnegut had the perfect phrase to describe this: “Thank you for your sweetly-faked attention.”
Social media is one form of relationship building… but, as you say, its no substitute for real life. Listen to those around you. Walk the dog. Twitter will be there when you return.
Troy Janisch recently posted..3- 2- 1- Tweet- Countdown to the NASA Tweetup Shuttle Endeavor launch
Hi Troy, your so right. I’ve observed in other households, as well as my own, the way each person would be in a different room on a different device. Totally in theIR own zone.
” do you want a cup of tea love”- ” yes please”, and then it’s back to banging away at the keyboard.
In my opinion the blackberry, is just as bad . It seams to have become socially acceptable for technology to be the dominant force within a household. If we don’t make a proactive decision to keep a balanced approach to how we use these things, and make a clear separation between “what is work and what is home” the boundaries get far too fuzzy. I really appreciate you taking a moment to comment Troy
Twitter: AnnieLinNY
April 21, 2011 at 11:44 pm
“I realised my significant other wasn’t getting the best of me and people who didn’t know my birthday, favourite colour, or how I liked my coffee had my full attention.” I am definitely guilty of this from time to time–I think all of us who work online are. Having issues with my eyes a while back forced me away from my screen and it was the best thing for me because it forced me out of the virtual world and into the real one. Thanks for the reminder, Stacey. You always have such rich content
Annie recently posted..The “I Can’t” Crash Diet – Cutting Junk From Your Vocabulary
You make a great point Annie. Sometimes things outside of our control, force us to take a step back, and in doing that we are able to see a bit more clearly what we have previously been doing. Sometimes what we see is a little alarming, and we realise some subtle changes have to be made.
When a loved one is telling you they are affected by the amount of time you are spending in front of the computer, then we have to take stock and see if we can’t find a better way of working. Did you read Lyes’ article ? I found it so touching and refreshingly honest. Thanks for stopping by.
Twitter: Faryna
April 22, 2011 at 4:25 am
I walk a chow chow twice to three times per day. In other words, I spend an hour to two in the park every day. I meet real people, interact with them, and observe them. It’s a very good thing.
I limit my online community time to two to three hours per day. Then there’s work. Another eight hours on average. Then there’s quality time. That gets a minimum of two hours per day. Chores get some time. Then, there is me time: reading, church, whatever. It’s a full day.
And, yeah, I’d love an extra 24 hours in a day.
But if all you’re time is consumed by the online community, you’re biggest challenge is scheduling the other puzzle pieces of life. And, really, that’s not the dragon you fear it to be.
Stan
My novel starts here: http://wp.me/pbg0R-98
Stan Faryna recently posted..America needs you – not better politicians 2 of 3
“But if all you’re time is consumed by the online community, you’re biggest challenge is scheduling the other puzzle pieces of life”
Nice to see ya Stan, what you said above is so true. It sounds like you have a very good balance in place that keeps all your priorities in order, and your needs met. Do you think part of this; comes from being experienced at juggling many balls and having it down to a fine art?
Cos seriously Stan, I was quite shocked when I took a sec to analyse the amount of things I had let become “a little less important” since I started getting involved on line. Like “ME TIME”, which you also mentioned. I’m on it now..may need to get me a dog to start walking, lol. Thanks for joining in and that great Dan Christo interview
Twitter: Findmyblogway
April 22, 2011 at 11:40 am
Hi Stacey,
Thanks for including my post. That was a good expansion on how to balance between online projects and the real life. I am glad to have found my priorities and it makes me enjoy my time in blogging too.
Things will always be better if we put everything to plan. This is really a great article. Thanks for sharing with us on the importance of our land of living.
Regards,
Lye
Lye Kuek Hin recently posted..Blokube – 3 Strategies To Maximize its Benefits
Your welcome Lye, I was really touched by your post, and it made me think about my home situation. We can always learn from our mistakes and make positives changes. Those who are clever do, and those who aren’t…well they carry on doing the same thing. I appreciate you coming by to say hi, and it was my pleasure to share your post, you made some very important points.
Stacey
Twitter: yourgreatlifetv
April 22, 2011 at 12:31 pm
Stacey,
Thank you for writing this. I am guilty of all the charged crimes on this post
It is hard to balance all of life’s priorities when you find something that allows you to share your real self with so many people but our families deserve more time & quality time!
I will put into practice some of the steps you outline here my friend!!
Have an awesome day!
-Bernardo
Bernardo recently posted..Why listening to your inner voice is not a luxury
Hi Bern. I knew it couldn’t be only me who was guilty as charged : ) I guess I kind of knew the balance wasn’t quite right, but I hadn’t taken the time to analyse why. The online world is like a vortex, it will suck you in, and to some degree be very fulfilling. But nothing fulfils us like our family and friends, and it good to have a reminder to ALWAYS put them first. Thanks for reading and sharing your truth with me. I appreciate it, and you. Stacey
Twitter: courtcan
April 22, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Stacey, you might not be a preacher, but you do have a fantastic message. I’ve only recently launched out into the world of promoting myself via social media — and I’ve already had to start re-assessing just how far I’m willing to let myself go in this before I need to unplug or lose my sanity. Or my real-life relationships.
Your post came at the perfect time for me. Thank you. : ) I’m RTing it to my followers, hoping it inspires others the way it inspires me.
Courtney Cantrell recently posted..Indie Author Freaks Out- Details at 11
Courtney great to have you over here, and I’m glad the message hit home with you. What you said “I’ve already had to start re-assessing just how far I’m willing to let myself go in this before I need to unplug or lose my sanity. Or my real-life relationships.” is so spot on and I can totally relate to that. Even this evening I was out with friends, and feeling guilty that there where comments left unanswered! I’m so glad the post came at a good time for you. There are posts I read, that feel like they should have started “dear Stacey”, so I appreciate what you mean. Thanks for coming by and sharing my non-preacher message with your community. I very much appreciate it.
Twitter: courtcan
April 23, 2011 at 1:09 pm
And I appreciate your message, Stacey. We should never let technology and business take priority over the flesh-and-blood people in our lives. If I don’t learn to unplug, I’m no different from the manager who’s at his office 70 hours a week, never sees his family, and has no friends. Just because I work from home does not mean I am present in my home!
Courtney Cantrell recently posted..Guest Blogger- Dante Mullins of Saltmarch
Hi Stacey,
I get what you’re saying! This weekend, the Easter Weekend, I’ve been “away” and it feels strange but good. Strange because I miss my new online friends, but good because my kids are home and that’s a precious time for me. Livefyre having been affected by Amazon’s outage on Thursday delayed and then cancelled my post for that day, creating inadvertently, an long weekend for me. I actually feel more relaxed.
I like how you discount “productive, creative time like now; writing this post. ” because I too feel writing is my passion, that and connecting with people and building community. But my family is my passion too – my first passion. It’s interesting to read your post today in light of all this thinking! Thanks for that!
Lori
I’m so glad that you have your family around you for Easter Lori. Take the time to saviour it, it’s so precious.Like you, my family is my passion, but I notice I have been some what inattentive to them over the last few months, as I’ve delved deeper and deeper into the maze. I made a decision to redress that. I guess it will take some trial and error. I loved the way the conversation got so personal and honest on your post the other day, it was so refreshing. Loved it. Thanks for taking the time to come by, I appreciate it : )
Hi Stacey,
For me this is a battle that has to be fought on a daily basis. I have discovered that when my day gets off to a good start I’m more disciplined and focused on my goals. I try to getting my blog work(commenting, blog writing, site maintenance etc), writing (I try write a minimum of 3 pages daily and file for future use – blogs, lectures, books etc) daily reading (always want to be in the middle of at least one good book, meditating and exercise (listen to ted talk while working out) all before lunch, If successful I feel productive. Afternoon is for low energy tasks (paying bill, returning phone calls sending necessary emails etc.) and night is for fun (lots of options there). How do you structure your day?
Riley
Riley Harrison recently posted..FIRST IMPRESSIONS – DAMNED FOREVER OR LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY
Wow Riley, you leave me in the dust. You manage to achieve an awful lot before lunch time. My day is structured some what similar. I try to do my reading, commenting in the morning with coffee. Work out, write. Do other work, clean, cook. It doesn’t always go as planned, but hey you have to be flexible. I’m definitely re-evaluating the way I’m working though and making some positive changes. You have given me the idea to download some Ted talks, to listen to on my ipod when training. Great idea, thanks for commenting Riley
Twitter: benny_hsu
April 23, 2011 at 9:05 am
I did read Lye’s post and I felt bad for his son who wanted some attention from him. It did make me wonder how other bloggers manage their work/life balance.
I’m guilty of definitely sitting in front of the computer too long. I came back from a trip a week ago and I haven’t packed. I’ve got laundry I need to do. Gotta clean. But every free moment I spend on the computer commenting, reading, brainstorming, and anything that has to do with myself and my blog.
I definitely need to set time limits. Even if I spend 30 mins doing household chores that need to be done, that would help a lot.
You definitely pointed out some good warning signs, such as checking Twitter during dinner. I’m always on my iPhone and my fiance calls it my girlfriend. I’ve tried to make a conscious effort to not be on it as much when we’re out eating.
Now if we’re shopping and I’m waiting for you, you bet I’m using my iPhone!!
Hey Benny, I loved your honesty. I knew I wasn’t alone in letting the attachment to technology get a bit off balance. Sometimes it feels like blackberrys and iphone as welded to the owner, they never put them down. I call it their 3rd hand : ) When we go out to eat with our partners or family, they deserve our full attention. Short of an emergency, we don’t really have need for our phones..were at dinner. Communication has changed so much over the last decade. So many of us have blogs that where passionate about, I’m only just realising how time consuming taking care of that can be. Work on setting your time limits, there is a good online tool, called e.gg.timer which you can use in your browser, it’s really helpful. Let me know how you find it. Thanks for commenting
Twitter: thejackb
April 25, 2011 at 2:47 pm
It is always challenging to find that balance of work/life but really important to do so. When I sit in front of the computer I sometimes forget how quickly time can pass.
Jack @ TheJackB recently posted..We Don’t Care About People
Hey Jack, what’s with your comments ending up in my spam comments..naughty akismet. Your right, a balance is hard to strike, but we gotta keep trying right
Twitter: Goalsblogger
April 25, 2011 at 9:29 pm
Hi Stacey,
I actually have thoughts like yours almost every day. It’s amazing how much time I spend with my laptop or iPad. My friends make fun of me that my girlfriend’s name is “Ipadia”:)
Then again, Paul Gauguin left his life in Europe to paint native people in Tahiti. I doubt that he was much concerned about laundry or dust in his hut.
This is what he did instead: Paul’s paintings
Rock on Stacey,
Derek
Derek Potocki recently posted..How to REALLY enjoy life
Hi Derek its funny you should say that.
Gauguin has always been one of my favourite painters. I love to draw and would open a book of his I had and just copy. I’ve always wondered what it feels like to have a such an extreme natural talent at something, it would be almost inconceivable that you would so anything else.
Say hi to Ipadia for me, maybe we should introduce her to my Samsungtop..he’s big, strong, with a red top. I think they would get along just fine, lol
Thanks for getting involved Derek
Oh yeah, it can be really hard to disconnect. When I find myself obsessively checking twitter or randomly looking for something to read I know I need to step away. Sometimes when I want to write it’s just better to write with a pen and notebook so I can eliminate distractions. I also really like your suggestion to do things you enjoy that don’t involve technology – we forget how fun the simple things can be
Hi Mallory, what a pleasant surprise. I read your interview the other day and really enjoyed it.When you mentioned pen and notebook, I took a glance at my book shelf and saw at least 7 full journals. It’s such a fun, freeing and therapeutic way to write like that. You’ve inspired me to get the journal out again.
I knew it wasn’t just me who did the obsessive Twitter checking, and searching for something to read. Some times you catch yourself doing it, and your like ” this is ridiculous “, lol.
I totally agree with what you said that we forget how fun the simple things can be, as you get older I think that becomes more and more apparent. Thanks for stopping by and sharing, I really appreciate it. Stacey- Mallory is a beautiful name by the way
Hi Stacey!
Thanks for the reminder to get myself back to the real world and off the electronics.
I used to take a day off anything computer-like every week. It was much needed detox. I haven’t done that in a while and I can feel that I need it… especially when I run my finger over the window sill! :O
The problem is that going computer-free for even one day requires serious planning. Nowadays everything gets done on a computer: from communicating with friends, to finding a phone number, finding a recipe, making bill payments… and pretty much for everything else. And once I get lured to turning the computer on to “just find the takeout place’s menu”, I get sucked into it…
I suppose that some planning ahead is in my future.
Hey Marina
Thanks for coming over to say hi. Please excuse my late reply- I got out the house and away from the computer : )
You are so right, about computer free days taking serious planning. I never thought of it like that, but my goodness are you right. I found that I was switching on the computer almost instantly on waking. Welcome to the vortex. Technology detox anyone..we should start a movement.
Thanks for commenting Marina, I appreciate it
Hola, this is similar to your post having a set schedule with this stuff. It can definitely suck you in and be a time eater.
Fortunately at night I have substituted computer face time for some TV time, but it has cut into my reading; I read a lot but lately it has been primarily blogs. Unfortunately I have used office time from my paying gig and have to be more disciplined with that.
Yes, do not let social media impede your real relationships. Whereas it has been a real treat getting to know you and I feel we would be friends in person, make sure you stay close to the flesh & blood relationship well. There is a real richness in that.
I don’t know what happened, sorry it took me so long to get by. Great post though; have fun at the wedding.
Cheers……….
Bill Dorman recently posted..Well- that was awkward…
Hola Bill..how are you in Florida. Your right, this is similar to a previous post, but sometimes we need to learn our lessons twice. I still didn’t have the balance quite righyt, but I went some way to fixing that this Easter. I missed real conversation, real laughter , and felt a little disconnected to the people that I love.
Your so naughty for being a social media maven on the job, lol
Guess what, Kate and Will forgot my home address..bummer. Probably going to a street party, If I do, I’ll take pictures
My gf drags me places and forces me to interact with real live humans lol
She also makes sure we walk places (instead of driving a car to a restaurant thats 10 minute walk away)
I hate it of course cuz Im not “productive” during those times, and yet I love it because I know how important non productive time really is.
On a somewhat different note, your blog is rocking these days…and in a very short amount of time
Youre def doing something right.
Dino Dogan recently posted..3 Fears That Move People Into Action and Product Out the Door
Major props to the GF, she knows behind every successful man is a badass girlfriend who helps keep the balance right, and him, semi-sane, lol.
I don’t drive in London as it’s easy enough to get to most places on public transport ,and congestion, fuel and parking costs are just ridiculous. But we try to take regular walks, we have Tower bridge and some of the best scenic places in London on our doorstep so there really is no excuse.
Thanks for the compliment, I’m finding my groove slowly, but enjoying the dance
Hey Stacey,
Thanks so much for the mention. I think I’ve always struggled with turning the computer off and tending to real life. Talk about bowing ones head in shame… If I told you how much time I wasted playing World of Warcraft back in the day… Oh man. It was bad. Sadly the game actually does keep track of your logged in hours, and I remember having logged over 3 full months in game.
That amount of time in front of the computer just isn’t healthy. Like you said, you have to find the balance between Crushing IT! and an unhealthy addiction. Sometimes I go overboard, but thankfully the amazing @GraceCristo both keeps me alive during long programming sessions, and also draws me away from the computer for much needed breaks.
Loving that you took the time to write about this topic. Keep rocking the blog, girl!
Dan Cristo recently posted..How to Steal Your CEO’s Identity
Hey Dan, for thanks for coming by. When I read your interview with Stan, it dawned on my just how hard you have to work to get something like that off the ground. When you wrap it around your paying gig, the hours are immense. Luckily Mrs Christo pulls you back from getting totally sucked in. My BF clocked up over 200 hours playing Unchartered, when we saw the total if think even he was surprised and mildly embarrassed. Unchartered hasn’t been on in my house for a while…oh that’s right, he clocked it, lol.
This is SO true… and such a difficult thing to find balance with. I don’t resent the time I spend working and being truly constructive. But when I reevaluate the hours I spend in front of my computer, it’s the time I’ve spent researching and learning about obscure new ideas or SEO practices that I’m never going to put into use, or time surfing forums that really aren’t teaching me anything new that I resent. And I spend MUCH more time doing those things than I’d like to acknowledge. But switching off is a LOT easier said than done!
A really nicely written post on a topic –an illness!!– that I’d bet plagues all net professionals.
Hi Karen, thanks for coming by and getting involved. Glad you enjoyed the post, but your so right, switching off is much easy said than done. We can create and alternate life and reality on line. The productive time we spend online, is fantastic, it’s the other countless lost hours we spend doing all of what you mention above, we need to claim back.
Good to see you
Twitter: 3hatscomm
May 13, 2011 at 11:34 am
Love finding older posts that speak to me (and you have so many, will take me time to find them) just hate missing them in the first place. Having this debate myself as you have work, work work, running a biz work, running a blog work, friends who don’t get how blogging and tweeting ARE work, etc. Then you need to eat, sleep, shower and someone does need to put the laundry away. Funny, I use housework as a procrastination tool.. clear the clutter so I have no more distractions or excuses. And now.. rethinking my debate as I use my online for researching and scheduling and playing, even the hobby fun stuff; do I need/want a smartphone or who that turn me into one of these people no matter how much I try to resist? More food for thought, thanks. FWIW.
Davina K. Brewer recently posted..Now or Later An iPhone buyer’s dilemma
Hey Davina, I feel like the lamest girl on the block with my old school phone.My other half has a iphone and swears by it. I’m addicted enough to my laptop. If you put a smart phone in my hands, once I got the hang of it, I’m pretty sure it would be ‘game over’..by by outside world.
I see group of youngsters at bus stops, all 6 of them pinging away on their Blackberrys and I wonder if slowly, especially with the younger generation, we are loosing the art of communication, scary huh? Thanks for taking a moment to dig a bit deeper into mlsm.
Twitter: chanelingmyself
May 17, 2011 at 7:49 am
My wife and I recently got out of town and went up to the mountains and stayed in a yurt. No technology except for the electric lights. It was nice not to have TV, or Internet.
Todd | Channelingmyself recently posted..My Youth Catches Up to Me
It sounds like it was awesome. I’ve never stayed in a yurt, I bet it’s amazing.