Lisa wishes she where prettier, more successful, thinner like Sarah. Now she’s hot, with a sexy husband to boot. Jack wish’s he was richer, buffer and had a better looking wife. Like Paul or Mike even, yeah those dudes have it all.
All too often, we do an eye ball analysis of people lives and quickly conclude, whether they are greater, lesser or equal to ours. The outcome of this analysis defines how we interact with people, as we alter and change our behaviour depending on who we’re around. As human-beings we truly are chameleons.
In our interactions with people who we perceive as our equals, common responses are to feel calm, open and friendly; yet with those we consider greater, we can be shy, self-deprecating and anxious. With those we view as lesser than ourselves, we can be dismissive, patronising and sometimes just plain rude.
Even mild feelings of superiority can bring out the worst in people. Just look at the Stanford prison experiment, if you want an extreme example.
It seems to be part of human nature to pit ourselves against each other, like fighting dogs, in order to validate who we are and what we’ve achieved in life. Everyone has to be assigned rank and status, as it’s how we understand the world and our place in it.
Are we really all that insecure?
I’m going to hazard a guess and say yes. Comparison doesn’t just affect the struggling classes; it’s pervasive amongst those who seem to have it all. They’ve perfected the art of running on the bling-treadmill and keeping up with the Jones’s. However, grasping to stay ahead, causes people to become ungracious and ungrateful, as their primary driver in life – is not to be left behind.
Constantly comparing ourselves to others is a form of bondage. It enslaves us to debt, stress, insincere relationships and fear and leaves us feeling trapped.
Freedom is not the absence of prison bars, it’s a state of mind, and a mind that is occupied with negative thoughts is not free to be its creative, resourceful best.
Comparison is not a victimless crime.
Where did you imagine you would be at 30,40,50 ? Is it exactly where you are right now?.
It can be soul destroying to acknowledge that despite enough natural ability to execute, you’ve thus far failed to achieve some of the goals and dreams you have for your life.
So whilst taking a moment to reflect, also make an honest assessment of “why” you really want these things. The truly brave will open the scope a bit wider; to include all those people they have been comparing themselves to.
Maybe you find you don’t truly resonate with some of the things on your to-do list. Did it occur to you that maybe this was because you subconsciously high jacked them from the person you’ve been going pound for pound with.
If you don’t believe how insidious this is, let me give you a real life example.
Competition and comparison = a wedding you never really wanted
A friend of mine was getting married and her best friend from childhood had gotten married a month earlier, in a bells and whistles re-mortgage the house, ceremony. All to quickly my friends plans of a tiny wedding preferably on a beach, with the money saved spent on a year travelling the world, instead of a two week honeymoon, where swiftly ditched.
Things got competitive as she begun comparing her life, income and social standing with her friend, and all of a sudden her dream died as she signed up for the competition. She couldn’t actually afford the luxury of her friend’s wedding, so she didn’t actually win. But she didn’t get her dream wedding either.
As an aside, her friends marriage lasted a year and my friend and her husband, have still never been able to afford to go travelling.
So the quicker you get rid of those “dream imposters”, the better. If nothing else you’ll save yourself a shit load of money.
Comparing our lives and dreams against others is futile, low yielding and rarely leaves any of us feeling good. There will always be someone who’s status, income and experiences will seem better, more extravagant, sexier than our own.
In fact the act of comparing yourself can have such a negative impact; I gave it up for lent.
Heres why:
- Comparison is a time bandit. While you’re busy comparing your appearance, income or success to………….. they’re busy creating more of the same
- Comparison makes you jealous. A bit of friendly competition is harmless, healthy even. Constantly comparing yourself to others leads to feelings of jealousy and envy
- Comparison leads to low self-esteem. You become too quick to dismiss your achievements and unique qualities
- Comparison ignites your internal critic. There is nothing more powerful than the words we speak to ourselves. When constantly comparing yourself to others, these words are rarely positive
- Comparison prohibits you from making relationships with successful people. You fear them, you know too much time spent around them will make you look and feel bad. Comparison also makes you insecure
- Comparison causes you to turn down opportunities because. You look at the great work done by others and your insecurities convince you that you won’t quite match up, so you punk out
- Comparison causes you to miss opportunities. You’re preoccupied with envious thoughts and a dark minded struggles to see light clearly. Comparison is like a London fog over your life. In order to see clearly you have to lift it
Wisdom tells me, sit beside those who you wish to become like. Don’t try to reinvent the wheel, get talking to the wheel maker and see how they inspire you. Become the best at being yourself, because everyone else is already taken.
However, I’m competitive by nature, and competition and comparison are easily confused.
- Competition- Healthy competition that is, spurs you on, excites you and brings out the best in you
- Comparison- Leads you to over examine, lose your focus and go pound for pound with your ego on a daily basis
Comparison is not just a bitch, it’s utterly exhausting
That is, unless you’re sitting pretty in your ivory tower and your star has risen so high, there is no one to compare yourself to. If that’s you, then well done. If it’s not, take conscious moment to ingest and meditate on the effect comparing yourself to others has on your life.
- Am I way off the mark, is comparison a positive thing in your life
- Is comparison something we can use to motivate ourselves
- Do you agree comparison is futile, if so, what you have replaced it with
Come and share your thoughts and experiences with me in the comments, and if you liked it, why not share this post.
{ 47 comments… read them below or add one }
Comparisons are judgment calls. And judgement calls are never a reality. I tend to approach things as they are, no judgement, no good or bad, just is. How I feel about it is not important and it doesnt affect my decision making process as to how to act on it.
Is that too deep? Its very Buddhist in a way. Hard to quantify or explain (both Western preoccupations) and hard to implement as well…but boy, when it works, does it work well
Dino Dogan recently posted..3 Fears That Move People Into Action and Product Out the Door
Very Buddist, very zen, and not too deep, but incredibly evolved. Who knew Dino was a zen ninja programming genius : ) Try to see all things and situations as neutral, is very much a buddist way of thinking, but your right, implementing that is far easy said that done.. Nice to see ya
Perfect though, the more you can go into a situation and not pre-judge the better your decision can be.
Bill Dorman recently posted..Well- that was awkward…
Really great post, Stacey. You’re right – people don’t realize how much time and energy they lose comparing themselves with others. Thank you for the post, I really enjoyed it!
Danny @ Firepole Marketing recently posted..Let’s Get Viral- 5 1 Strategies for Viral Exposure and Growth
Hey Danny, nice to see ya again, thanks for coming over to say hi. You know what the funny thing is, half the time the people we spend the most time comparing ourselves to, don;t even think their all that. It’s really important that we able to have a sense of gratitude and satisfaction, about who, where and what, we are. Thanks for commenting
It’s true… they’re busy comparing themselves up to somebody else…
It’s interesting, though, because comparing *down* is a very good strategy for fostering that sense of gratitude and satisfaction.
Danny @ Firepole Marketing recently posted..Let’s Get Viral- 5 1 Strategies for Viral Exposure and Growth
Twitter: smartboydesigns
April 28, 2011 at 8:48 pm
A man, I need to live more like this blog post. I LOVE it. How much better my life would be if I just stopped worrying about what others thought, comparing myself to those who are different; and move on. We spend so much energy comparing – and that really, really hurts us. Your thoughts were beautiful!
Christian Hollingsworth recently posted..If Walt Disney had a blog…
Hey Chris, your comment ended up in my spam, I just randomly checked it, and found your kind words. I’m so glad this post resonated with you. It was something I had been thinking about for a while,and I had a feeling it would hit a nerve with those of us brave enough to be truly honest out there. Thank you for coming back to be part of the community here, I really appreciate it. Stacey
Stacey
Comparaison are a time waster.
Once you find out that there is always someone who is faster, richer, taller, better at something than you, then you can go on with your life.
We obsess at being the best at something but never at being the best we can be.
Huge, world of difference here.
Dino is right, judgement calls are by definition flawed. Simply because we make them and we aren’t perfect are we?
Thanks for this great piece Stay, definitely a good reminder for the weekend
Hi John please excuse my late reply, celebrating the royal wedding. I really like what you say “We obsess at being the best at something but never at being the best we can be.
Huge, world of difference here. ”
That’s what I’m going for moving forward, enough with the pointless comparison, rather expend that same energy, being the best me I can be.
Thanks for your input John
I like your comment that we obsess at being the best at something but never the best we can be. If you take care of Me, Inc and be the best you can be I think you can life a life of fulfillment.
Bill Dorman recently posted..Well- that was awkward…
Stacey,
This was a great topic, well covered. I especially liked your seven red flags. Too true and too silly, isn’t it – comparing ourselves with others, and yet we do it – why? I wonder if its our school system(s), or a sense of trying to decide who we are – how do we do that without reference!? By the time we hit our adult years, we should have given that up, but you see it all over sit coms [and in real life] – we don’t!
It reminds me of the line from the Desiderata:
“If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself”
Can we use it to motivate ourselves? i think it’s better to go for a personal best. When you compare and judge (as Dino said) and that’s just bad energy. Let everyone run the race at their own pace and determine when and how you want to finish. Leave everyone else out of the equation. We do run our own races, after all! No one can run them for us.
Lori
Hi Lori
Desiderata is one of my favourite poems ever. You’re right, comparing and judging does encourage bad energy. The sad thing is, most of us can’t help doing it and it’s a a real negative cycle. I have to make a active choice to arrest my thoughts when I find myself getting into comparison mode. Be the best at being you, flaws and an all I say. Thanks for sharing
If you can only use it as a motivator to be the best you can be and avoid all the other noise, then it should put you in a good place, don’t you agree?
Bill Dorman recently posted..Well- that was awkward…
Hey Stacey.
Good write-up on the downside of comparing yourself to others. All comparisons that make your self esteem dip need to be avoided. I used to teach a dating class and I would lecture “never say that you look like some celebrity or movie star (even if you do) because you will come off both in your mind and your date’s mind second best (nobody ever looks better than the movie star)” and that isn’t good for you for a whole bunch of reasons. I like your “here’s why” list on comparison. Chronic comparing can be injurious in so many ways.
Riley
Riley
Riley Harrison recently posted..JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
Hi Riley, I think people say they look like such and such celebrity to give a point of reference, but like you said “nobody ever look better than the movie star”. George clooney anyone, lol. Glad you enjoy the post, it’s something I have been ruminating on for a while now. Appreciate you coming over
Dating class, huh; I probably could have used some lessons there………
Bill Dorman recently posted..Well- that was awkward…
Couldn’t we all Bill, couldn’t we all, lol
I can truly say I don’t want for much in a material sense and I’m happy with my lot in life. I say it facetiously, but I will tell you it is still good to be me.
Yes, I fall into the trap of seeing what some of my peers have accomplished and think “have I done all I can do to be successful”? And I just have to look at how well I have done and being able to provide for my family and be thankful.
I even see it in the social media world; depending on the circle you run in, you know who the popular kids are. When you see all the frivolity going on around them and you are not included, sometimes I get a little jealous. That’s when I need to get a grip on reality, step back and realize it’s not about me, and just move forward doing the best I can and let the chips fall where they may.
Always wanting leaves no time to enjoy what you have. It’s good to have goals, dreams and expectations, but life is a journey and you need to make sure you enjoy it along the way. We are only here for a short time anyway, right?
Good post ma’am and hopefully when you read this your head won’t be throbbing.
Bill Dorman recently posted..Well- that was awkward…
Hey Bill, good to see ya. I love the way you always bring a unique voice to the discussion.
So have you been bitten by the green eyed monster of comparison and jealousy too then ? I see I’m in good company. jhat you say “That’s when I need to get a grip on reality, step back and realize it’s not about me, and just move forward doing the best I can and let the chips fall where they may”, is good sound advice.
However I feel a sense of panic can come over us when the “age maths” do add up with the “income and achievement maths”, if you know what I mean. Thanks for coming and getting involved.
See you over at your place in a hot minute. What with Easter and all the bank holidays weekends, and a royal wedding to boot. I’ve been taking my own advice and getting out more ; )
Twitter: Faryna
May 1, 2011 at 3:33 am
“Always wanting leaves no time to enjoy what you have.”
The problem of always wanting is because we find that, in fact, we have failed to invest ourselves into the things that matter and therefore we truly have so little to be truly enjoyed.
Stan Faryna recently posted..An Untitled Novel About the Road of Hope- Chapter 19
Hi Stan good to see ya. You really bring it home for me with what you say here “But more importantly, we envy, compete, and compare ourselves with others because we restlessly search for ourselves, because we feel ourselves incomplete, and because we still haven’t found what we’re looking for. We are more incomplete than we should be, most often, because we search too often with our eyes, our ears, and our other physical senses, rather than our hearts and conscience, and, yes, our often unused, unexercised and untrained spiritual senses”
But part of me is equally saddened by it, because it seams to be the human condition and so pervasive in our societies. We always want more, yet the “more” it is that seek, is rarely what we actually need.
Loving your insights here, you have given me, and I’m sure the other readers, lots of food for thought
Twitter: Faryna
May 1, 2011 at 6:53 am
I feel just as you do, Stacey. Ouf!
Why must it be that so much of our truth must come at great cost – pain, loss, and disappointment? Of course, some of it comes with joy, encouragement, and .
But worse, most of us, we never really get it in any substantial degree. At least, that is how I feel about my own journey.
In fact, most of us are stubborn to give up the sophisticated lies we tell ourselves and embrace a simpler truth. A truth threatens to liberate us, give us peace, and unleash joy and thanksgiving. Of course, I’m talking about myself. But maybe, you feel the same too.
Stan Faryna recently posted..An Untitled Novel About the Road of Hope- Chapter 19
Well said………..
Bill Dorman recently posted..Well- that was awkward…
I’m guilty of this. I’ll admit it. Thankfully, I’ve surrounded myself with people that know me for me and put me back on the right track when I get too involved with what other people are doing. At the risk of sounding too Disney, I’m fabulous the way I am. The more often I remember that, the better I seem to do.
Thanks for a good post.
Hey Erica welcome to MLSM, it’s good to have you. Personally I love your sentiment ” I’m fabulous the way I am”. It’s not in the least bit too Disney, we could all do with taking this truth on board. If fabulousity is good enough for Kimora Lee-Simmons, it’s good enough for me. Though she probably isn’t the best example, humility is not exactly her middle name. Thanks for sharing
Twitter: Goalsblogger
April 30, 2011 at 1:28 pm
Yep,
Keeping up with Bloggers…oops, Joneses. My e-book is better than yours! My e-mail list is as vast as Milky Way!
Well, what can I say Stacie, comparisons can be draining…or motivating, especially if it comes to competition in the marketplace.
Something to think about:)
Thank you for another great post
Derek
Derek Potocki recently posted..How to REALLY enjoy life
Hi Derek, what’s good ? My e-book is better than your, my email list is as vast as the Milky way. It’s amazing how we can now equate all spectrum’s of human behaviour to an an digital reference, if that makes any sense. Personally, I like a little healthy competition, but I’m aware if your not careful it can be debilitating. Thanks for your input
Twitter: courtcan
April 30, 2011 at 2:03 pm
Thanks for this, Stacey. As a newly published indie author, I’ve felt the temptation to compare myself to other indie authors who have more sales and are better known, more prolific, etc. In my mind, I know that giving in to this temptation would be stupid — but my vulnerable little writer’s heart still struggles to resist!
So far, so good…but I’m determined to keep reminding myself that I need to spend my energies in improving my craft and not running after the literary “Joneses.”
Besides…I believe that my value as a person and as a human being depends not on my accomplishments but on my relationships with the people in my life. As Emerson wrote, “To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; this is to have succeeded.”
Courtney Cantrell recently posted..5 How-Tos for Blogging Vision into Reality
Hey Courtney really good to see you again. Tell me a little about the book you’ve published?. That takes such a level of determination and focus to achieve that.But that’s the problem with comparison, instead of us enjoying a well deserved pat on the back, we now start pitting our achievements against others. Even as bloggers we can get caught up keeping up with the blogging joneses, I can imagine the pressure in the booking publishing world. Well done Courtney
Twitter: courtcan
May 2, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Thanks so much, Stacey! So far, I’m not feeling any external pressure; I’m published through a small indie publisher, so I’m not “competing” in the “big arena” yet. But there is, indeed, some internal pressure. I do struggle not to compare myself with others, but I’ve never been one to compete — until it comes to out-accomplishing myself. I push not jsut to better myself, but to best myself, and sometimes that can be detrimental.
I appreciate your invitation to tell you about my book! It’s the story of Holly Idaho, a sophomore at a Christian university. She thinks her friendship dramas are pretty typical — until one of her best friends reveals that the weirdness isn’t just silly pranks. A demon is stalking Holly, and now she has to make a choice. But her faith is falling apart, and she doesn’t know where the line between good and evil is anymore.
Holly’s story can be just a good read, or it can be food for further thought, if that’s what readers want. I just wanted to spin a good yarn, as it were — but if readers decide to delve deeper in to the “all that glitters isn’t gold” concept, there’s plenty of that in there, too. : )
Stacey, thanks for giving me a chance to tell you about my book! It’s on Amazon, if you’d like to check it out. : ) (http://www.amazon.com/Colors-Deception-Demons-Saltmarch-ebook/dp/B004VB8QSW)
Courtney Cantrell recently posted..And the Winners Are…
Twitter: courtcan
May 2, 2011 at 2:08 pm
Lol, and sometimes I don’t best myself at all. Typos in comments: bane of a writer’s existence. ; )
Courtney Cantrell recently posted..And the Winners Are…
Hey Courtney wow, this sounds really interesting and thanks for letting me and the other guys here, know all about it. That’s quite an accomplishment. It’s funny that you should say “all that glitters isn’t gold”, as that is a favourite saying of mine and usually turns out to be entirely true. As for the typo’s no worries, I read mine sometimes and want to cringe : ) Good luck with the book Courtney
Twitter: courtcan
May 3, 2011 at 3:59 pm
Stacey, I also love J.R.R. Tolkien’s version of that saying: “All that is gold does not glitter.” I’ve found that one to be true almost more often than the “original.”
Thanks so much for giving me a chance to tell you and your readers about my book. : )
Courtney Cantrell recently posted..Poetry Sucks- Beats- and Twists
Twitter: Faryna
May 1, 2011 at 3:23 am
Results can be unequal. Some succeed with less effort where others fail with greater effort, passion and grace.
Because there are other things at work.
Nassim Nicholas Taleb talks about black swans as metaphors for surprising events that have a major impact. After the fact, the event is rationalized by hindsight. But, in fact, the rationalizations tend to be fictions that do not reflect the unmeasured and opaque risks and opportunities implicated in an event.
Since several of you like Zen, I’ll give you an example from zen.
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
Any answer is an unenlightened fiction. Except this answer.
I can express it differently, however, for the sake of poetry.
In a can of quiet soda pop, ten thousand tiny bubbles anticipate, Ahhh.
But more importantly, we envy, compete, and compare ourselves with others because we restlessly search for ourselves, because we feel ourselves incomplete, and because we still haven’t found what we’re looking for. We are more incomplete than we should be, most often, because we search too often with our eyes, our ears, and our other physical senses, rather than our hearts and conscience, and, yes, our often unused, unexercised and untrained spiritual senses.
Stan Faryna recently posted..An Untitled Novel About the Road of Hope- Chapter 19
Twitter: highballsport
May 1, 2011 at 5:09 am
Oh yeah!
The simple fact that we all come from different backgrounds makes comparison to have no sense. After all – the people who build remarkable things ignored everyone and never troubled to compare themselves with anybody.
In other words, being blind makes you see better: ahead (no comparisons = no distractions)
Constantin Gabor recently posted..Why Most People Work for Others – Instant Gratification
Hi Constantin, great to see you. I love what you say” Being blind helps you see better” Your so right. I think even if we all were struck down with temporary blindness for a year. We would be so surprised at the choices we would make based purely on our instincts rather than visual senses. Who would you fall in love with, be friends with, spend time with. I’ve always wondered.
For years scientists pondered over how the Egyptians built the pyramids. When they set about building these wonders they have nothing to compare to, and as such they created a piece of history. Thanks for getting involved
Twitter: Faryna
May 1, 2011 at 6:43 am
I have a suspicion, Constantin, that you’re greatest education may be coming from when you are on the rocks, hanging at so many feet/meters off the ground, your fingers and muscles straining as you pull yourself up.
Stan Faryna recently posted..An Untitled Novel About the Road of Hope- Chapter 19
I reckon that you learn a lot real quick, when your hanging off the side of a rock face, with only a piece of rope, what you already know, and faith keeping you alive, lol. Tell me about Constantin the rock climber, I’m interested?
Climb any physical or metaphorical rock faces lately Stan? My fingers are hurting from all that holding on for dear life I’ve been doing, lol
Twitter: Faryna
May 1, 2011 at 7:30 am
Like you, I’m climbing a wall of metaphors, Stacey. Below me the abyss of despair, desperation, and fear waits to swallow me up whole. Above me, Christ beckons.
The next 12 meters of my wall appears to be the novel. But I could be wrong. Completely.
Just back from church an hour ago and had one of those humiliating a ha moments. I showed up for the 12:30 mass forgetful of the beatification of Pope John Paul II – he is one righteous dude. Anyway, I had your and Constantin’s blog posts on my mind when I left. I went as a slob. Showing up is what counts, right?
So fast forward to me going to receive the body of Christ at the altar. There’s 12 cameras rolling. And I’m must be interesting to the cameramen because they were all shooting me at one point. I’m on national TV. My hair is very Einstein. I’m wearing a 10 year old pair of Birkenstock sandals that are just barely staying on my feet. I almost stumble.
And then I had to smile because this camera moment wasn’t about me. It was about God. Obviously, God wanted to show Romanians that it’s crazy town people like me (maybe just like them) that goes to church and celebrates the beatification (which I do).
And when I say crazy town, I’m talking some comic kind of mash-up between Seinfeld’s Kramer and Thomas Aquinas.
My point:
1. We don’t own the game.
2. But we can take ownership of the role. I was tempted to not go for the Eucharist as I quickly undestood what was about to happen to me.
3. Ownership is savory,sweet, and true because that mix of suck, joy and thanksgiving.
I hope hereby that I made you laugh at me, with me and with you.
Stan Faryna recently posted..An Untitled Novel About the Road of Hope- Chapter 19
Stan you made me laugh out loud. I had a picture of you in your house clothes going to the alter, seeing the camera’s and maybe trying to smooth down your hair some. And realising..oh..and doing a little embarrassed cough. You write beautifully.
Taking ownership is bitter sweet, once you realise you own it, you also realise your responsible for it.
Look forward to reading some of the novel over the bank holiday
Twitter: highballsport
May 1, 2011 at 7:10 am
My technical education comes from doing stuff, reading books and interacting with people (very little education came from school)
Constantin Gabor recently posted..Climbing Fingerboard – Video Tutorial – How To Build Your DIY Climbing Hangboard
Constantin, omg you would need to sedate me to do anything even remotely like that. I wasn’t the most attentive student, but I learnt enough. My biggest lessons have definitely been learnt in the school of life. I’ve never needed algebra once, not once
Twitter: benny_hsu
May 1, 2011 at 3:09 pm
I agree! Comparing yourself to others is a waste of time. Trying to always compete with someone else isn’t going to help your situation at all.
I think someone who always is comparing themselves with others has a self confidence problem. Because they’re not happy with themselves. A person with confidence doesn’t worry about what others think about them and doesn’t worry about what others are doing!
Hey Benny, thanks for coming and sharing. Your right it is a confidence problem. The real problem is that more people than you would probably imagine have confidence and self esteem issues. Even those at the top of their game struggle to relax, worrying that such and such will get ahead of them.. Like you said
“Nothing in nature takes more than it needs”. However our human nature seams to takes as much as it can possibly get.
Twitter: Susana_Aires_
May 9, 2011 at 5:42 pm
Hey Stacey,
I am becoming a fan of your posts.
I was a socially awkward, shy teenager/young adult. I thought I had nothing interesting or funny to say among my peers, so I kept to myself most of the time. I had my small group of friends and that was fine, but as far as meeting and communicating with “strangers” it was hell. I literally wanted to run and hide.
Fortunately, as I grew old I had to come out of my shell – for example in my first job, as a hotel receptionist, where I had to deal with a lot of complicated situations and less than pleasant guests. Then, along came depression, which taught me what really mattered in life. I changed for the better. At least in that area
.
Caring about what others thing about us is definitely a prison. Today, besides the people I really love, I don’t really care what others think about who I am or what I do. I also try no to be judgemental. Who am I to do that? It works both ways.
Keep smiling,
Susana
Susana recently posted..The Ghost of Failures Past
Susana, you flatter me. Thank you. I’m glad that the topics here are hitting home for you. Caring to deeply about what others things of us, or comparing ourselves to others is unhealthy. Sometimes we have situations in our lives that force us to take action, like your hotel job, and managing your depression. I also try not to be judgemental as your right it works both ways, admittedly I fail miserably sometimes : )
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