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Accustomed to the veneer of noise, to the shibboleths of promotion, public relations, and market research, society is suspicious of those who value silence.  ~John Lahr

Everyday are ears are exposed to the sound of our own voices, and the constant chatter of those around us. We listen, talk, mediate, argue and convince, but very rarely are we silent. When we are, it’s a power play or our way of showing displeasure, and in our ignorance, we’ve become disconnected from our greatest source of wisdom, restoration and peace……ourselves.

***

On the day I entered the retreat, Pai was experiencing a major power cut. I should have taken this as sign that things were about to become very uncomfortable. I thought back to the day I had told my friend that whilst travelling I would be going to a silent retreat. Without skipping a beat, she looked me dead in the eye “ you” she said,  “never”, before bursting out laughing as if it where the funniest things she’d ever heard.

Vipassana:

Vipassana in the Buddhist tradition, means insight into the nature of reality.  It’s the practice of transformation through self-observation and introspection. The process of Vipassana includes various meditation techniques such as contemplation and introspection, observation of bodily sensations, analytic meditation and observations about lived experience.

My group where quickly introduced to the precepts of the 3-lessers: Less food, less talk, and less sleep.

In practice this meant we would rise with the gong at 4 am,  meditate until 6am, when we would eat a small vegan meal in silence. We’d then meditate till 11am, where we would eat our final silent meal of the day after which we would meditate until our 9pm bed time.

After being taken through a series of walking, kneeling and sitting meditations, we were pretty much left alone. For 3 Brits, and 2 Canadians, the journey of Vipasanna had begun.

Sitting meditation guidelines, and prayers beads I received on completion

One of the first things any traditional counsellor or therapeutic practitioner learns is “ how to sit with the silence”.  In practice, this means during a session with a client, you do not fill the silences in the conversation, even if they feel uncomfortable.

The Karpman drama triangle theory, (which is something that anyone interested in understanding human behaviour, should read up on) suggests that we all fluctuate between the states of persecutor, victim and rescuer, in our interactions with others.

When you sit with the silence, you don’t enable any of these states, for you or the client. You allow the person to simply be.

As the silence, stillness and incredible heat of my Vipassana experience began to wash over me, in my meditations I experienced myself as persecutor, victim and rescuer. I heard my lame excuses and my angry arguments. I heard the tired part of my soul that said: “ Peace, be still, sit with the silence”.

10 Things I Learnt About Silence

1. Silence can be incredibly painful. In your still place, supressed emotions surface and you will remember things you thought you had forgotten;
2. Silence can be the loudest sound you have ever heard. Our own voices and the voices of others ring in our ears every day. When we become silent, we hear other things we have been too noisy to notice and they are crystal clear;
3. Silence gives you better vision. I now know that ants carry their dead, and some flowers close at night to take their beauty sleep and reopen with the sun. I never knew this before;
4. Silence gives you an opportunity to really listen to yourself. You will hear your voice with such clarity, it’s as if you spoke out loud;
5. Silence is an important part of humility. Set a guard over your lips and watch your speech, sometimes it is better to just be silent
6. Silence increases your empathy. When your mouth is still, you are able to pick up the energy and vibration of others more clearly. Sometimes they carry a heavy load. It is not your job to rescue them, let them find their way, this is also an expression of love;
7. Silence will reveal the contents of your heart. I experienced feelings of rage, anger, compassion, fear and beauty;
8. Silence is compassionate. Sometimes people don’t need your opinion, thoughts or input, they just need you to be there;
9. Silent tears are salty. I know, I cried me a river;
10. Silence and the heat are a heady combination. They call this sleep meditation;

Many people are scared of silence, you can tell because they try to fill the void the minute it arises, as if it has no place. Yet silence is one of our most sacred rights, an opportunity to seek and find wisdom, mercy and over-standing. There is a place for silence in all of our lives.

• Are you able to sit with the silence or does it make you uncomfortable
• What meditative practices do you follow and how have they helped you
• Which of those 10 silent lessons resonates with you the most

And if I may be so bold, which or these roles are you most comfortable playing…

Victim, persecutor or rescuer !!!

I look forward to hearing your thoughts and experiences in the comments.

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Tagged as: lifestyle improvement, self-actualization, wellbeing